August 1, 2015

My Barren Womb...

The word tells us that we must be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1), but what about those who are barren. As people of faith we pray for the barren. A simple prayer of faith that is left in the hands of the one who can open up the most infertile womb and bring forth life.

Let’s look at the mother of many nations. Sara a woman of old age was promised a child. A promise that a woman today would need great faith to even believe is possible. However, in the womb of Sara laid a seed of promise that only God could bring to life.

We look at Leah, a woman that I have come to find of great interest. The word tells us that because she was hated, God opened her womb. While her sister Rachel a woman of great favor and beauty battled with the very curse of infertility. A thing that was in dead thought to be a curse and a thing that caused a woman to be of lesser value.

Next we have Hannah a woman of great persistence. In great travail she prayed her promise into existence to give him back to the priesthood. Her barren womb birthed the very man who shows us the meaning of obedience and faith. The one who shows us what it means when God says to those who has an ear let them hear.

And finally, my favorite barren dual. The famous Elisabeth and Mary the mother of Jesus. Like Sara Elisabeth was a woman of old age who’s doubting husband was made dumb at the very promise of a child. Through Elisabeth we see the birth of the very man who paved the way for the coming of the gospel.

Now that is a lot of impossibility made possible. Situations that didn’t come without the sadness of infertility, worthlessness, and some fear. I find myself intrigued by the idea of the barren womb and that beauty that God put on the very promise of children.

A couple weeks ago now I was praying for God to give me answers to why I was going through the pain that I was going through. From my first diagnoses I knew that this all was for a reason. That there was something that would come from my pain and one day while fishing with my dad it all came. The Lord spoke in a very clearly “your barren womb”.

Instantly I got it, I was so focused on the physical womb and its infertility that I had lost focus on the very promise that kept me. As the song goes, “this life is not my own, to Him I belong, I give myself, I give myself away”. Those words to me are not just words that I love to sing, but prayers of my very heart.

I speak in great humility as I find myself in pain today. My natural womb may be barren, but my spiritual womb is not. The women I spoke of before are all women who birthed great promises that were the vessels that through the power of Jesus Christ changed their world. These women’s very promises came with pain that only infertility can bring and Jesus could use to show the very impossible made possible.

God’s purpose and plan for each one of us is different. As some hold promises of the beautiful opportunity of raising up children to change their worlds. I hold to my promise of mothering the motherless and birthing something that can only be seen through spiritual eyes.

So I say to you today, don’t underestimate the promises of God in your life. The beautiful purpose that you hold in what God wants for you to do. We all have a purpose in this kingdom and all with significant value. There is never anything worth receiving in life that is not worth fighting for. My battle may be different than yours, but both with significant value.

I have to learn to live through chronic pain to be reminded of the very thing that makes me who I am in the kingdom of God. This cross I carry is painful, but that very thing that brings me pain is the very thing that gives me purpose in this heavenly promise.

July 31, 2015

A New Day...

I came into my blog to shut it down, but it was the over 243 views that I had in July alone that made me think it is time to begin writing again. My last post was back in 2014 and so much has changed in my life since than. I needed to trust in the prompting of the Holy Ghost as I begin to share my life with those who around the world have been listening.

I keep saying I'm going to write more, but I seem to begin with so much excitement and life comes my way and I stop. As much as I'd love to say that I will work towards writing more I can't promise that. But what I can promise is a better effort towards sharing my heart and what God is speaking.

The Word tells us that we will find him when we search for him. That in the secret place it is only us and God. I have learned over and over again this to be true. That the more I write about him the more I find him. The more I discuss about his love, the more I feel His hand. And most importantly, the more that I focus on Him, the more I see him in the beauty of the day.

In the last year, I have battled with a chronic illness that is so miss understood and misdiagnosed that I've felt speechless. But, the longer I battle with it, the more I find my God in the mist of it.

My battle has given me wounds and scars that are not all visible to the eye, but I have found comfort in my secret times with God and comfort in knowing He sees me. I find myself looking towards the new day and see my Savior's guiding hand. I feel his strength in the wings that encompass and fresh hope of tomorrow.

I guess I sit here tonight knowing that my life is not to be put in a journal, but to be public for all that desire to look into it. Into the life of a woman no longer a girl who believes in the undying favor of God. A woman who sees the hope in the pain and who knows that no matter what your battle may be the Jesus that died for your sins is able to bring you into a realm of comfort.

I write you tonight to say a new day has dawned. I will not speak to you about the battles of my flesh, but will share with you the battles of this disease that can attack my body, but not my soul. I am a fighter, but in that battle is one of greater purpose and that is eternal life. I live each day with a brighter understanding that I serve a God who is more than just my creator He is my savior!

It is through Jesus that I know that a new day shall come and he has made me and you overcomers by the word of our testimonies and the power of the cross. Stay strong and feel the reason...