December 2, 2007


As I finished my book tonight written by Sister Reynolds, Two Sweat Hearts, (yes the spelling is correct), I was inspired. Her book was filled with stories of unbelievable thrill and excitement. I felt like I was reading a thriller book of the Holy Ghost’s grand blessings. It took me through a personal journey explaining a true story of two people working together in the works of God and His will for them.

I can’t explain the excitement I felt when reading her book, it made me open my eyes to the true meaning of “trust”, the true meaning of “love”, and the true meaning of “power”. God was in every word of that book and He showed Himself truthful and loving through every page. Every time I thought that there was no way that it could happen God showed it was His will and He pulled through. It is truly a blessing to have read the story of two unbelievable Godly people. Their love for God blossoms and reveals itself in their true love for Jesus, one another, and souls.

Now my reason for sitting up and writing this blog isn’t to praise this beautifully, Godly couple. My reason is to encourage. After reading this book I have realized that we, me included, have become so sad while walking through life. When problems come our way we don’t listen to what God wants us to do with that problem we give up and stand in fear, polarized. God doesn’t give us the spirit of fear and when He tells us something He means it. God is not a liar! Problems may come our way and maybe even obstacles that seem impossible, but it isn’t time to give up. Things are never over until they are over. We need to hit our knees, pray, and get direction. Sometimes it is the obstacles that make our blessings that much grander. Often the things that we have to battle for make life that much greater.

My mom had counseled someone once and told them “you must decide on what you value in life, and if you truly value your salvation you must be willing to battle for it". We are given so much from the Lord and I think sometimes we forget that we can’t always play the victim. God gives us favor! I think it is time that “we” stand on our two feet and jump up, not slump down. Like one of my favorite songs says “Don’t You Wanna Go”! I want to go… I want to touch those nail-scarred hands, I want to see the streets paved with gold, and I want to sit at the throne of my savior.

The ball is in our court, it is what we do with what God has told us that makes the game that much more exciting.

I ask each one of you today to hit your knees and find your strength in God. If He’s promised you things STAND on them.

God is not a liar and His will, will be done! We just have to keep it in motion.

Keep smiling everyone… God is coming soon, but we can’t wait, sit here and do nothing. We’ve got work to do and what amazing work that is! No job can be as rewarding as the job we have for God.

God Bless and love you all!

October 28, 2007

It is okay to not be okay...

As I sit in this bedroom so familiar and safe I come to remember a time that neither faith nor strength could be found in me. A time when I gave up on what could be and what would be and wallowed in my own self and grief. Everything I once knew and believed in was no more and everything I thought I was, was gone. I couldn’t understand how God could bring me more pain.
After all my surgeries and all my faith I was with nothing. Sitting in my room I remember writing my last journal entry to God.

Dear God,
I believe this is the last time I will ever write you. My writing has become more like journals and less like prayers. I believed that you would get me through this and look at me now. Everything I was going to be is gone and I have nothing. You’ve taken away everything that I ever truly cared about and left me all alone.

This time in my life was scary. I know with no doubt that I was at the lowest place any teenager could be. I was depressed, distant, and hurting. Crying out for something to bring me back to what I once knew. I couldn’t play sports anymore, the pain in my knees way too hard to handle.

Tears rolling down my cheeks like raindrops on a rainy day. I couldn’t take the pain, but was so afraid to tell anyone. My fear of letting everyone down caused me to resent God more than I would ever like to admit. The pain that I kept inside ate me alive because I had always thought of crying as a sense of weakness. No one saw me cry, I was like the royal guards at the palace.

I remember the day I finally couldn't take any more pain. I cried in front of everyone revealing everything that I feared them to see. The day I quit hockey was one of the worst days of my life. Krystina Meyers the athlete was dead and everything I knew was going into a big black bag that had became my connection to everything I thought I needed in life.

Everything I knew and loved started to crash around me. My family was on my side, but every friend I had ever had turned their back on me. It was like a horror story and I was the victim. No one knew the pain that I was going through because I had never shown my pain inside. Everyone talked about me behind my back, calling me a quitter, a coward, and an alien to them.

A couple of months ago I finally came to this revelation...

As I sat in my hospital bed and my body went out of control, I couldn’t mask the lack of control I had. However, I found strength in a higher power and trust. I knew my promises in God and knew that I would never be anything without Him. That fighting for the control was silly because His plan is what I want. His plan is what I desire to strive for.

Either I can walk with Him and find beauty in His plan or I can find myself in this very familiar bedroom crying myself to sleep as I fail to fit the mold I thought I needed to fit.

I’m saying life is hard and never truly easy. God’s plan is never the same as yours because He has bigger plans. We need to come to the realization that we are going to have hard times in our life, but truly that is when we should find the strength in God to keep on. It is okay not to be okay, but you can’t stay there!!!

Remember that people may not show their pain. Thinking that you have more pain than someone else is a lie. Pain comes in all sorts of ways and because we have felt pain we should learn to lean on the strength that gets us through it. We should learn that because we know pain we should be like Jesus and be considerate because others could be going through something much worse. Life is hard, but never as hard as it could be without Him. We are of blessed people and God doesn't leave us alone like I wrote... He helps us through when we believe!

Stand in faith my brothers and sisters. No valley is too deep, no mountain too high. We have all gone through our share of pain, but because of that pain we need to learn that we are blessed and He Never leaves us in those times alone.

October 19, 2007

Remembering... Toad!

In life we grieve over our sorrow and cry over our pain. We lose loved ones and leave classmates behind. Grief is no more than a time of rest a time to reflect. I have not grieved, however, I have cried. Memories of life as it was will never be, but a step is what it has given me. A year ago today I lost one of my classmates a young man who has touched the hearts of many. Timing in life is like a stop watch it never stops. We must mark the lives of those around us and remember those who are surrounded by the pain of the loss. I pray today that those who were close to Anthony will remember him today and that their grief turns into a smile. He had touched so many lives, being the class clown it isn’t difficult to do. He will be greatly missed, but in one year I can say life as we knew it has changed and with the time ticking it isn’t time to leave one minute to regret. Remembering all who are grieving today in prayer!

October 18, 2007

Heels in the sand...

We are surrounded by compromise. Surrounded by a world of get what you want with no regard to what it takes. In the church we have been victims of nothing less, girls fighting over who will get the next preacher boy and boys fighting over who will get the next trophy wife. Life is supposed to be filled with hope and great adventure. We are supposed to be reaching for the stars and instead we are reaching for the pebbles that surround our feet while we walk over them. We have started to compromise ourselves and given up on fighting for what is right.
For some reason it seems that we are so often overtaken by satisfaction or publicity that we find ourselves in this little church world no different than the world we live in. We have allowed ourselves to remove landmarks that have been in place for many years and revamped them much like our freedom of speech and religion. Sometimes we forget that we are like boats in water we want the boat to be in the water, but not filled with the water. Our lives should be nothing different; we are to live in the world, but not of the world.
I believe we all know that we are in the middle of a battle. The youth is being attacked right now and it isn’t just because we are so great or so godly. It is because if we can believe that a little compromise won’t hurt us, then a little can grow into a lot and in which will weaken our walks and decrease the spreading of the Word. By doing this the Truth will soon be killed off and there will be no more people walking in the Truth.
Compromise can come in so many ways and in the youth I believe it has many stages. One stage I believe is in us. I believe to cure this deadly disease we must get to the source. We need to learn to start relying more on God and less on our own feelings or knowledge. We need to learn that we are not the force behind our swing, but the vessel in which the work is being done through. We are no more than the keys on the piano; if someone doesn’t play the piano the keys are really worthless.
I’ve found out one thing while living in the Truth. Nothing is ever as easy as it seems. Life is hard, people are mean, and you can never depend on anyone because at one time in your life they will let you down. Hey we are human and if we were perfect there would be no need for heaven.
Open the ears and hear what it is that you need to do. In life we are asked to take out the trash, wash the dishes, and sometimes even cook supper. Well, in our spiritual life we are asked to go to Africa, clean the church, and sometimes even stay somewhere you don’t want to be. Listening to God sometimes can be misunderstood and with that we grow. Sometimes we get a little love tap, sometimes the full left hook and sometimes we even get a swift kick in the behind. In which, I believe is only done when we find ourselves listening to ourselves.
Listening is something that involves more than our ears it also involves our hearts and our eyes. When you hear something it isn’t always because of the words that are spoken, but also the body language behind it. Learning to read and listen to people is something that I believe is a good tool when trying to listen to God. You should always know for sure when God is speaking! You don’t always understand why He says what He says but you know He is speaking. Sometimes when He speaks it isn’t exactly through prayer it can also be through someone else who is filled with the Holy Ghost. Getting slapped on the wrist isn’t the best feeling in the world, but the reward of listening is like creamer in coffee sometimes the only way you can take it and sometimes the only way we can truly learn.
Now I’m going to put a little twist on this and get down to the real compromise I see in our youth. We are surrounded by role models in the church people who sometimes have never really thought about their leadership role. Now the people who are actually in the leadership role they are put to higher standards and who they are in a relationship with are put there as well. When men pick their spouse or the girls they are going to date the way they present themselves is an example of what should be.
No one asks to be under a magnifying glass, but the truth of the matter is we all are. No matter whom you are or what position you have you look to those who are older for guidance and council. You watch and look up to those who are put into positions because they are the ones who the elders of the church believe are good role models to look up to.
Kids look up to the youth who are placed into positions. It is just the way life is. Even though this isn’t right it is the fact and it is something that we as the youth must understand. When we pick those who are going to be our helpmates we need to look at the whole package. If what they portray to others is nothing less than what God wants than it should give us the okay. People don’t understand that when you go for something that is of the world and you are placed into a position you are not just taking the chance of falling you are also taking a chance with a whole lot of young people behind you. For example: if a young man is in leadership and he starts to date a girl who is snotty, questionable on her dress, questionable on her prayer life, and even more so not well liked by many of the girls around her or even in general. It isn’t always because the girls are jealous of her. When this boy starts to date her he is telling the girls who are strong on their standards, strong in their prayer life, and well respected that none of that stuff is important. Also tells the younger girls that they can also lack in those areas because godly men don’t look for godly woman. It also tells the boys in the church that they can also compromise and allow themselves to go after girls who are much different than the girls that were said to be virtuous.
Now I’m not saying that you are suppose to marry or date someone who you are not attracted to. I’m saying that who a person is with is who they are in real life. People can only be something they are not for so long. Everyone is watching and when you are choosing someone who you want to have by your side you need to make sure that they are the whole package. Don’t compromise yourself into believing that you can have the best of both worlds because the truth is… you can’t. Light can’t be mixed with darkness.
So, let’s start thinking about our futures. Let’s start being the leaders we are supposed to be. We know that the days are short. The youth needs to get strong and quit putting their heels in the sand. We need something more strong to place our heels in… like the ROCK. We need to look at ourselves and really make the decision to walk or not. Strength is something we all need and God is the only way. Let’s start listening and stop pretending. People in the church know who is right and who is not so let’s push our pride a side and start listening. It may help you skip that swift kick in the behind!

October 15, 2007

Waiting to exhale.....

Sometimes I feel like all I need to do is exhale. As if doing so I will let go of all that has ever worried me. Well it really can work that way. Let go of what is holding you back. Let go of what is making you frustrated. Exhale and let it go, give it up to God and let him take the load. He gives us burdens, but doesn’t send us to carry them alone. It may be hard at times, but remember that He never sends you alone. We have a friend who catches us when we fall, lifts our heads up when we cry, and kisses our scraped knees when we fail, but He also lets us know He loves us with every waking moment. Who could say God doesn’t love use when He’s promised us all the beauties of Heaven. Keep smiling… there will come a day when all your hard work will pay off and all your scrapes will heal completely. There will be no more tears, no more fears, and best yet so much love that you can’t think of anything else! KEEP SMILING MY LOVELY FAMILY OUR DAY IS COMING SOON!!!!

September 30, 2007

The force behind you...

With my game face on and my adrenaline on overload I always knew that the ball that would be coming at me couldn’t beat me. That no matter what the curve or change I would be able to stand up to the plate and face the pitcher. Then why I wonder is it that we can’t stand up to the plate when the force behind our swing is God and we know that He won’t let us fail?

One of my favorite quotes is “don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”. The more that I hear the words to this quote the more I am confused. In life we so often can stand up and do things, but when it comes to standing up for God we fall like an autumn leaf. We are like those kids that can’t stand up to the plate at a little league game and all they do is step out of the box every time the pitcher pitches the ball. But why when we have all the force behind us and all the encouragement around us do we stand afraid?

Fear is not of God, but we so often allow it to be the controller of our lives. We allow ourselves to be frightened by the unthinkable. When God asks us to do things He doesn’t send us alone. So let’s stand up to the plate, take the bat in our hands, line up our knuckles, hold the bat straight out from our armpit, and keep our head straight ahead. Let’s stop looking at all we can’t do and just do what we know how to do and allow God to be the force behind us. Let’s allow God to take control and stand up to the plate.

If asked to step up to the plate don’t fear the ball that will be thrown. Step up and play the game, because “we can’t allow the fear of failure keep us from winning souls”.

September 19, 2007

Itchy scars...

Have you ever wondered why when we have scars and it is healing we feel like we need to scratch it? Usually we skirt around the area wanting to just rip it open because it itches so bad. The medical term for this itchy feeling would be healing, but I believe it goes much deeper than that. Just listen to this…
When we come into the church covered in scars and wounds it seems that we are reminded constantly of what we were and how great it would be, sometimes, to go back. Well, I believe that the nagging voice we hear is like the itch on our scar. The voice of destruction makes us so uncomfortable that we either cave in like idiots ripping open a perfectly, beautiful healing wound or we skirt around the issue forcing us to our knees, praying that the irritation will go away!
Healing is a long process one that always leaves some kind of mark. Marks we call scars can sometimes with great treatment heal with no evidence, however, that is not always the case. Sometimes are scars are puffy and unpleasing to the eye, sometimes they are just small and visible just to remind us of what happened. Scars in a spiritual sense are much the same.
So often I’ve wondered why God forgets about our sins, but we so often remember forever. I think maybe it is because He doesn’t want us to forget how merciful He is. When it comes to scars God doesn’t allow us to heal to see us fall. I believe that sometimes it is for our own strength this happens showing us that instead of allowing that itch to get to us we need to give it up to heal. God gave us those scars to learn our strength is in Him and that even though He has forgotten our sins we need to know that every time we feel the itch it is time to hit the knees and lay it down.
God has given us grace and mercy now we must learn to be thankful. Every time you feel like that itch is coming back do not scratch it, lean on the strength that gets you through it.

September 16, 2007

Godly Beautiful.....

From scarves to flowers to belts to stilettos, beauty is something that has become skin deep. As much as I fall in this category I want to open your eyes to something much deeper. God has made each one of us beautiful in some way. When beauty is seen in the correct way and we become satisfied in ourselves we find a strength that is within.

When Jesus is put first in our lives we find ourselves in a set of different eyes. Look at it this way if beauty is held in the eyes of the beholder than the only beholder that should concern us is God. If we know that God would be satisfied than we know that the people of God will as well.
Look in the mirror and what do you see? Do you see the woman you want to be? Now I’m not speaking of the color of your eyes or the whiteness of your teeth I’m speaking about you. So, often we portray someone we don’t know someone who is so vain that the only piece of God in us is unnoticeable. We lose the person God wants us to be. We fall into believing that we are not good enough and that is such a lie. Godliness is beautiful and much more pleasing to the conscience.

A good example of this would be Esther. When Esther meets the King she comes before him as a natural beauty and a true woman who is conscious of what her inner beauty shows. The other girls, however, lost themselves and did what was expected, covering themselves in jewels and gold. I enjoy this story because not only does Esther start to fall into the expectations, but at the end she stands up as a true woman and changes the whole dynamic of inner beauty and confidence in God. We should never lose ourselves in what we think we should portray. Find your inner beauty find yourself and respect yourself. If someone doesn’t see the beauty that is of God than who cares, they shouldn’t be who you care to satisfy anyways. Never forget that you are beautiful and never forget that God makes us all different. You don’t have to be skinny to be beautiful, you don’t have to be blonde to be beautiful, you don’t have to be anything but you.

Remember the inner beauty will always outweigh the outer, because the outer beauty will die and the inner beauty will fly!

September 14, 2007

Who I am!

*I am Apostolic and love ever minute of living for God *I love to sing and play the piano *I love my family and friends *I love my church family *I love to laugh and smile *I love to spend time alone and with people *I love when people play with my hair *I love water and swimming in the lake and in my pool at home *I love to spend time with my dad *I love my mom she is my best friend* I love my cousin Channy she's my blessing from heaven*I love to ride horses and get dirty *I love to get all dressed up for church *I love fall and it is my favorite time of the year(most romantic) *I love to read books and the Bible *I love to pray and spend time with my amazing creator *I love to work and helping people *I love kids and can't wait to have them *I love sports and miss being able to play them *I love going out in the woods and hunting birds *I love going fishing, but not actually fishing *I love driving and taking road trips *I love Ohio/Indiana and miss it there *I loved being the Youth Leader *I love making a difference *I love listening to kids and watching them figure things out *I love the smell of fall *I love the color aqua *I love driving big trucks *I love going to the Christian Bookstore *I love listening to music *I love the feeling of the wind in my hair *I love the sky when the stars engulf the sky *I just love life and everything God has given to me*

Learning to love God's way...

Many times we think we know exactly how to love, but really we don’t. I often have thought that I loved something or someone, but truly in my heart I didn’t. For in the Bible it says that no one loves more than a friend who gives his life. Jesus is that friend that gave his life and sometimes we forget how true that makes his love. We never think about love being more than an infatuation or lustful chemical reaction between two people. We never think that love could be anything like complete submission to God.
I heard the other night the most powerful thing I’ve ever heard. No man who says he loves God can love his wife and treat her wrong and say he is submissive to God. A man who can say that he loves God and can treat his wife like dirt is not being submissive to God. We are like a complete circle one that is always with God in the center.
I also heard another very good story about love. A pastor from Minnesota said that when he proposed to his wife he told her that he was nothing without God. That he was not worthy of her and that God had to be the center of their marriage for it to ever work. He told the story of how he broke a red rose which he said was the love that would bind them together. He then grabbed a white rose that he had behind his back and placed that rose in the center. He said that God was the center and that will make their love complete. Now I don’t see them all the time, but with that line you know he must truly love her and God.
So often we look at love as something that we just feel, however, God says love is much more than that. For we can’t even imagine how great love is and what it's true meaning is. God is our love and when we love someone we bring God in it. Love is something that can’t be explained or understood the only way you can describe love is to say… JESUS!

I often have asked myself why I run from love and now I know. How could I ever truly give myself to someone in such an amazing bond when I couldn’t give my whole life to Jesus? How could I ever love someone when truly I didn’t know Jesus? Now with the Holy Ghost I trust that God will guide me towards the perfect man. The man who I can make proud and complete. The man who I can pray with. The man who I can work with and build a beautiful ministry. A man who I will be proud to stand next to because his life is centered in Christ and our love will be centered around our love for Jesus!
That is the love I’m looking for… a kind of love that goes much deeper than just the flesh. A love that hits your soul. The kind of love that makes you smile. JESUS!

Trust in God's way...

Have you ever felt like nothing else could be as bad as what you are going through right now? Have you ever sat in your own self pity and knew that nothing could be as bad as what you were going through at that very minute? Well, if you have maybe this will help you feel less alone.

Before I came into the church I went through one of the toughest things in my life. I knew that by having my second knee done that God would take care of me and make all the pains go away. Going into that surgery I convinced myself that I knew what God was planning for my life, however, I didn’t. My plan and God’s plan were two different things. God wanted to teach me that we can’t have everything when we want it and how we want it. We can’t wish healing upon our lives or greater yet ask God to do something we would never do for him and that is give something.
As of right now I look at where I am and smile. I have just gone through a long discovery of what God has been wanting me to learn all along TRUST. Through every trial or mishap in my life I’ve wished God to do something great for what I wanted in my life. I always said I wanted God to do what He wanted in my life, but when things went wrong I looked up at God like why bring me through this. Until lately did I realize that trust doesn’t just come when everything is going right, it comes when all things are going wrong and you can’t understand why? Like my Pastor said it is when you trust that you lift your head up when all you want to do is put it down.
Lately I’ve been so confused so frustrated with God. When He’s promised me things I’ve expected them now, when I’ve wanted things I’ve placed a timeline on God. I became frustrated with God looking at things and questioning why am I not good enough, why am I not pretty enough, why am I the one who is sick, why am I the one who can’t sing, why am I not using my gifts, why…why…why?
Now after several trials and many days of tears I’ve realized one thing. My trust in God was lacking and my belief that He was going to take care of me was zero. I called myself a Christian I called myself a girl of great faith, but I wasn’t.
It has taken me several face plants to realize that I didn’t trust God and his timeline. I didn’t trust that I was going to be okay that even with mishaps in my life that God wasn’t done. I’m ready now. I’m ready for what God wants and whatever that may be I’m ready to take it with arms wide open. God is my rock, He got me through some tough nights lately and He’s helped me realize one thing…. Life is nothing without him. Trust is something that we so commonly say we have, but until we are tried is it really there.
Now ending this little blurb I’m going to say this. God is a God of everlasting love. I may be sick, but I’m not died. God’s not done until He decides so. So, why give up when you don’t hold the timeline. Trust God He knows the greater plan even when you think you have it all figured out!

I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me!