I am struggling to put words down as my mind goes a mile a minute about what I should say instead of what I am feeling to write. That unclear message that only God can give you to truly learn how to allow Him to be the stronger voice in your vessel. A voice that only comes when you surrender your will and even though in some anguish lower yourself.
In the mist of my journey I have found myself learning that I rely way to much on speaking the right words or following the right movement. However, in the mist of that I am feeling a prompting to throw away the notes and trust in the guidance of the Holy Ghost. To hear what He is saying and allow myself to be guided by the voice that I want to be walking with. A voice that tells me I can when my flesh tells me I can't.
The Word tells us that when we are weak, He is made strong. I have found this statement to be true as I learn to walk in faith and allow myself to be guided by Him. My body is failing me as I battle through an "incurable" disease, but in that I feel the healing hand of God and trust His blessings will be much bigger than I can even imagine. I say that because in my long journey I have learned that I needed more than a healing from this thorn, but a healing of my heart.
I do not claim the ministry of Paul, but I do claim that if God got Paul through what he endured. God will see me through and I know His promises are real.
My flesh told me how can I minister about a God of healing and miraculous wonder when He won't even heal me. But through that God wanted me to see Him and not what a miracle would do for me.
I recently had a young lady share with me that she had an ultrasound that showed a mass on one of her ovaries. With compassion I told her I would begin to pray. I prayed for God to heal her and to give her hope. I remember being her age and battling with the same disease. A disease that breeds hopelessness as it steals from you fertility.
In the mist of this young woman's pain I still believed that God healed. But how could I pray for God to heal someone when He didn't hear my prayers to heal me of the exact same thing. I told myself that someone else must pray for her because I just must not have enough faith to touch God. But in me was still faith and enough faith to asked God to show me that He still hears my prayers and I prayed for a miraculous healing. And God heard my prayer.
There were no medical treatments that were done from that Monday until she went to see her specialist on Friday. On that day God performed a miracle and what was once a mass the size of a grapefruit was now almost invisible. A certified miracle happened for her and God was the one who touched her body and healed her! She will not need to have surgery and has the hope of one day having children!
God's plans are not our plans and in the mist of my situation I have seen that my blessings are coming in small doses. I have seen the mighty hand of God touch and in the mist of this journey I have seen His strength become mine. I know who my God is and no matter what the trial that seems so unclear in your life... clarity will come in a nice warm package of charity from Jesus!