Not Every Sorry...

 The other day I saw a post on Instagram that was so powerful to me. The picture said "Not every sorry... should be responded with a "it's ok"". As someone who tends to just respond with "it's ok" it really hit me hard. How many time truly was it not ok and I just responded with it was ok? How often 

Dreamer Dream

The story of Joseph tells us much about how people feel about others believing in the unseen. How a dreamer is looked upon by even those close. It gives us a picture of true reality and the untold story. It shows us why people don't share their dreams and how it isn't always received. But accepted or not Joseph still held on. He still didn't give up on a dream given to him prior to the years of horror.

Dreamers are not always accepted nor are they received with a true compassion. You have those who dream and reach those heights but we also have those who dream beyond their here and now and strive towards those dreams with perseverance and strength. They push back the naysayers and they watch as God allows things to fall into place only done by a drive given by no other than God. It is the power of overcoming and it isn't often times received with open arms. 

I often don't speak about my battle with rejection. In fact until now I don't believe I've every spoken it out loud to a group of people. I know what it feels like to be hurt. To feel like you are never good enough or that you're not someone else so your value is far less. I've felt the sting of hurtful words only spoken to hurt and bring you down. I know what it feels like to achieve huge goals and find yourself celebrating with only a select few. The silent battle of hurt only shared between you and God. It is that kind of spirit that breaks you to a place where only God can encourage you enough to keep dreaming. 

As a little girl I used to have an imagination like no other. I felt confident behind the mic and I even walked in confidence, but that was with child like faith. That was with childish dreams with a protection that goes beyond the adult version. And then I became a teenager and all those dreams became just dreams and rejection soon helped me see they were not reality. I saw dreams as childish and silly... thinking who was I too feel I could ever be who I dreamed. 

I had many people who tried to help me see I was capable and they always showed me love beyond measure. But I soon realized that when those people weren't around to cheer me on the voice in my head was not theirs. The voice in my head was telling me I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough, or even strong enough to do the things I felt I was destined to do. My little bitty faith had me doubting a God bigger than my rejection. It was pain and it was something many didn't know fueled my quietness. 

Hurt can't find you when your quiet and sitting in the corner. Pain can't come when you are not seen. Inadequacy can't speak to you when you already live there. It became my truth and it became my story. But it took me a long time to realize the cause of my silence. It was my protection from a rejection that cut beyond my reality it cut into my dreams. 

You see dreams are safe when no one else knows them. Your pain is nonexistent when never allowed to penetrate. Your reality is still ok when you're never allowed to dream in real life. So I left my dreams as a child and I allowed myself to protect those dreams in a way that allowed me to feel safe. 

No one really ever knew I lived here. Those close to me always filled me full off confidence and peace of mind. I felt encouraged by many but I also had those moments where a spirit of rejection reigned so strong it crippled me from dreaming. I served in obedience and I smiled in humble hurt. 

While many look at a dreamer and see confidence. I look at a dreamer and see overcoming power. Because a dreamer doesn't find the support and protection. They find a battle and a few little stones to slay their giant. They have to over come the naysayers and the ones trying to remind them of their shortcomings. They find themselves humbled... over and over again only to have to pick themselves up from the rubble and let God put them back together again by much needed glue and love. 

You see my battle isn't over and never will it ever be. But I look to God and find myself strengthened by the story of a man who never quit dreaming and a young boy who never quit letting God be God. So while my silence can find some wondering why... my encouragement to others is found through confidence and experience of knowing the battle. A battle that I know I went through so I could be a person who doesn't stop when the hurt comes, but instead remembers that from great hurt and pain comes something birthed in great reward. 

So dreamer dream... allow your childlike faith to live on beyond the perimeters given by a society trying to grow you up sooner. Protect your heart from things that are meant to damage and harden you. Think beyond the limitations brought to you and let yourself dream. Dreamer dream.....